Ten Alarming Elon Musk Phobias
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1. Columns
While perfectly at ease among rows, Elon Musk has been known to completely break down at the presence of a column.
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2. Allergic people
Elon Musk has publicly admitted that he has no known allergies but is unsettled by people with allergies, including his own children.
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3. Wind
Despite owning several wind farms, Elon Musk has never come to terms with the existence of wind. The mere hint of a breeze can paralyze him.
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4. Midgets
A dwarf until the age of nineteen, Elon Musk developed an adult fear of little people.
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5. Leftovers
Elon Musk finds leftovers of any kind disturbing and prefers to eat food left on his guests’ plates rather than throw it away or provide a doggie bag.
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6. People with high IQs
Elon Musk has an IQ of 99, but that isn’t why he's afraid of geniuses. Musk was once warned by a palm reader in his native Siberia that he would be superceded by a man with an IQ thirty points higher than his own.
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7. Ornamental chimneys
Elon Musk is a genuine fan of fireplaces, provided they work. But ask anyone that knows him — a fireplace without a working chimney is the surest way to spook him!
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8. Black people
According to biographer Walter Isaacson, Elon Musk isn’t against blacks so much as he is afraid of them.
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9. Lutefisk
A champion competitve eater, Elon Musk was once hospitalized after consuming eight and a half kilograms of the Scandivanian staple in Visby. After this incident, Musk vowed never to go near another plate of the fish.
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10. Criogenics
Elon Musk is so afraid one of his wives will secretly criogenize his corpse before science has invented a cure for baldness that he has written a criogenization penalty clause into all of his prenups.